


In Our Bedroom After the War

by CocoBadShip



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Featuring, FinnPoe Week 2020, Fluff and Smut, Force-Sensitive Finn (Star Wars), Jealous Poe Dameron, M/M, Minor Rey/Rose Tico, Not Beta Read, Oblivious Finn (Star Wars), with a special guest appearance by
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:26:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25438402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CocoBadShip/pseuds/CocoBadShip
Summary: The title kind of explains it all.Snippets of Finn's journeys—and his restless nights—with Poe after the war.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 8
Kudos: 116
Collections: FinnPoe Week 2020





	In Our Bedroom After the War

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Stars War fic, so I preemptively apologize for any OOC/non-universe compliant weirdness. 
> 
> This also just kinda......turned into something it wasn't meant to be lol.

Finn’s awake again tonight.

He thinks this is either the third or fourth night he’s stayed up. 

Finn sits up straight in bed, back pressed against the wall, reading files he got from Jannah and Lando with a weak light. It’s pitch black in the rest of the room, and it would do Finn’s eyes some good to turn on a real light to read. Finn’s back, hips and thighs are starting to dully ache from sitting up for too long. It’d be better for Finn to drop these files, stretch out and go to sleep, even if it means tossing and turning a little. 

But Poe’s sleeping the bed a short distance away, and Finn’s bed is creaky. Finn doesn’t want to rob Poe of what little sleep he gets. He can take the discomfort for a little while longer. 

Finn lets his eyes wander over to Poe’s sleeping form. Poe’s spread out on his bed, his body limp. His eyelids are fluttering, his lips are parted and his chest is slowly rising and falling. Finn hasn’t seen Poe sleep so hard in months, not since the night after the Battle of Exegol. 

Finn remembers the last few missions before the First Order finally fell, when he, Poe and Chewbacca were running across the galaxy in the Millenium Falcon. Finn remembers Poe would often plop down in the narrow bed next to Finn, leaving barely any distance between them. Poe would stuff his face into a pillow and mutter about he’s going to sleep for _days_ after the war is over, about how “none of you better bother me for _anything_ , ya hear?” And Finn would snort and yawn, always mumbling, “Yeah, okay,” before falling asleep himself. 

They slept like the dead that first night: Finn remembers Poe crawled into bed with him and wrapped his good arm around his waist and hid his face in the crook of his neck, and Finn had been too grateful and exhausted to even consider if that was something they should be doing. But that was the first and last night they slept that way. 

Finn thinks they’ve both been wide awake nearly every night since then, the two of them alternating their sleepless nights. 

Sometimes it’s Finn sitting up and reading and fretting over the thousands of people still missing in the galaxy, of the former Storm Troopers that vanished after the Battle of Exegol. Sometimes it’s Poe, pacing around outside of their room, mumbling to himself about reconstruction and new governments and welfare. 

Sometimes they’re both awake, and Finn selfishly thinks those nights are the best. Those are the nights where Poe cracks sleepy jokes, and Finn teases Poe about the little snores that sometimes slip out when Poe actually manages to sleep. Sometimes Poe sits in Finn’s bed and helps him connect the dots on whatever he’s reading. Sometimes Finn walks with Poe, the two of them leisurely strolling through the forest of Ajan Kloss, trying to solve the mess of the galaxy in one night.

Sometimes they don’t do anything. They just lay there, each staring up at the ceiling as they lay in their beds, not talking or even thinking, really. Just existing in a way neither of them ever have before. 

Poe shifts in bed. Finn watches as Poe slowly turns over to this side, leaving his back to Finn. Poe takes a deep breath and slides right back into slumber. He never opens his eyes, not once. 

Finn watches Poe’s back as it rises and falls. Lines that are normally rigid have gone soft, as if the knots in Poe’s back have come undone. Finn watches Poe just long enough to feel the urge to touch him; he wants to knead into Poe’s back, working out kinks and knots as Poe softly moans. 

It’s an old urge that pops up too often. It’s just as old as the urge to tangle his fingers with Poe’s as they walk, or the urge to press his lips against the side of Poe’s mouth, or the urge to pull Poe back into bed with him and ask him to wrap his arms around his waist again and squeeze _tightly_ this time, to never let him go. 

Finn’s always nudging these urges to the side, reminding himself, _Now’s not a good time._ But they never go away. 

Poe moves again. He suddenly flops onto his other side, and he’s facing Finn now. His face tenses for half a second before going slack again. 

Finn watches Poe’s sleeping face for a few moments too long. Then he turns off his light and carefully crawls under his covers. 

\---

Finn stumbles into his room tonight, tripping over his own feet and crashing into the wall. He’s a zombie: heavy and stiff and uncoordinated, exhaustion making him unintelligent and unaware of his surroundings.

He thinks Rey is trying to kill him.

Finn wasn’t sure _what_ to expect when he told Rey he might be Force Sensitive. He remembers he’d been nervous to do it. Finn had suddenly gone unsure of his own experiences. Did he _really_ hear those screams from hundreds of miles away? Did he _really_ feel the Force moving through his chest, arms and legs that day on Crait? Did he _really_ feel Rey fall on Exegol, even though he had no idea where on the planet she was to begin with? He had no reason to think Rey would take him seriously. 

But Rey had smiled at him with a grin so big that it stretched ear to ear. 

She’s been training with him for a couple of months now. Although, “training” is mostly meditation, running drills in the forest and sparing until they're both dirty and out of breath and giggling like children. Rose usually “supervises” them ( _chaperones_ , really, but Rey doesn’t like that word), reminding them that they’re still human people who need to eat and bathe and do other work sometimes. Rey always rolls her eyes, but that doesn’t stop her from sinking to her girlfriend’s arms and letting herself be led away as Finn and Rose both laugh. 

But Rose wasn’t around today, and Finn and Rey should probably never be left alone when they’re training, because now they’re both filthy putty. They drag themselves to their respective rooms, both stumbling forward like irritable toddlers. 

Finn crashes on his bed face-first, flinching at the rough contact. 

Two seconds or maybe four hours later, he hears the door slide open.

“So, I take it playtime was fun?” 

Finn snorts at Poe’s tone. 

“Fuck off, Dameron,” Finn grumbles, not even bothering to look up at Poe. 

Poe chuckles, the sound loud and bright. He doesn’t sound the slightest bit tired. 

“You could’ve at least taken your shoes off, buddy.” 

Finn grunts. 

Poe laughs again, his voice low this time. Finn feels Poe move closer to him. After a second, he feels Poe’s hands on his feet, gently tugging one of Finn’s shoes off. 

“You don’t have to do that,” Finn slurs. 

Poe moves to the other shoe, getting it off before Finn even realizes it.

“ _Clearly_ , I do. Otherwise you would’ve done it, General.”

Finn forces himself to roll over, moving until he’s on his back. He sees Poe looking down at him with that smirk of his. He can’t deny that it feels a thousand times better to be in bed, shoe-less, looking at Poe. 

“Thank you.” 

Poe bites his lower lip. “No problem. Do you need help with anything else . . .?” 

Poe’s eyes dance up and down Finn’s body. Finn snorts even as his face begins to burn. 

“That sounds like a proposition, you know.” 

“Does it?” Poe tries for coy, but settles on mischievousness. “Why, I’d _never!_ ”

Finn huffs out a laugh as he struggles to sit up. He realizes he’s still wearing his jacket, and he starts trying to yank it off. Finn’s shoulders decide to go stiff halfway through the action, and he groans softly. 

“ _Come on_ . . .”

Poe gives him a confused look, but then surprise splashes across his face.

“Oh, you _actually_ need my help!” Poe sounds oddly guilty as he moves towards Finn. “Here, let me.” 

Finn leans forward to give Poe more room. Poe peels off Finn’s jacket and folds it over, carefully placing it on the end of his bed. 

Finn just sits there, watching Poe. Poe’s profile is going soft. You can still see the traces of war around his eyes and mouth, and maybe in the way he sometimes furrows his brow. But his jaw is relaxed, and his smiles come easy. The air around Poe is warm and gentle; it’s calming to be near him. It always has been, even in the middle of complete chaos. 

“You know, this is still kinda hard for me to wrap my head around,” Poe says quietly, pulling Finn from his thoughts.

“What is?” 

Poe turns and looks at Finn with a quirked eyebrow. “ _You._ You, as a Jedi, I mean.”

“ _Oh_ .” Finn laughs, a nervous, shaky sound. “I’m not a _Jedi_ , though.”

Poe narrows his eyes. “Um, I’m pretty sure I saw you _levitating_ sometime last week, Finn. Does it get more ‘Jedi’ than that?” 

“I mean . . .” Finn’s suddenly bashful, ducking his head to avoid Poe’s stare. “I think there are other ways to use the Force. Besides being a Jedi.” At least he hopes so. 

Poe nods, more to himself than Finn. 

“Well, for the record, you’ll be amazing at whatever you choose to do.” 

Finn’s face goes warm again. “ _Thank you_ , Poe.”

Poe gives Finn a lopsided grin. “Of course.”

They lock eyes for a moment. Finn looks at Poe’s eyes and sees a look so sincere that it makes Finn’s heart drop. He looks at Poe’s eyes and smiles, and he wants to reach out and grab Poe’s hand and pull him as close as possible. For a second, Finn thinks he _could_ do it, and that it’d be totally okay, and that it’d feel like _them._

Except _no._ It’s _them_ at certain moments, when they’ve come close to death or are gasping from nightmares that grip them in their sleep. It’d be a bit much for this moment on a normal, quiet day. 

Finn suddenly finds the energy to stand up. He suspects it’s coming from the abrupt desperation to escape Poe’s gaze.

“I should probably clean up, actually,” Finn says. 

Finn crosses the room and grabs a change of clothes from his makeshift closet. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Poe says from somewhere behind him. 

There’s something off in his tone. The discordant note follows Finn as he scurries out of the door. 

\---

Poe and Rose have a mission. 

On its face, it’s just an exploratory trip, visiting planets to check on the state of the galaxy. In actuality, Rose has heard reports of former First Order agents popping up on four different planets, and she and Poe are taking a team to investigate them. 

They both keep saying it won’t take long. Probably just a week or so. 

Neither of them can sleep the night before Poe and Rose leave. 

They stay in their own beds. Finn lies on his side facing Poe, his body tense all over. Poe lies on his side, too, and he looks at Finn with softness in his eyes. Anyone else might look at Poe and think he’s perfectly relaxed, but Finn can see that he’s anxious. Minute movements of Poe’s fingers and eyes tell Finn as much. 

Finn wants to be next to Poe, his hands and legs tangled up with Poe’s. He wants to _kiss_ Poe. 

But that feels too much like a true goodbye: it feels too _final,_ as if he knows that Poe won’t be coming back. As if Finn would only be brave enough to do it because he’ll never have _this_ moment again. Finn needs to believe this moment can exist again. 

Poe props himself up on his elbow and smiles at Finn.

“You sure you wanna watch the kids while I’m gone?” Poe teases. “They can be alot, you know.” 

Finn rolls his eyes. “I’ll make sure all of your mechanics behave. I’ll even make sure Rey stays out of trouble.”

“Well, Rose will appreciate that,” Poe says warmly. “And _you’ll_ behave, too?”

Finn’s mouth twitches. He’s trying so hard to fight back a smile.

“Can’t make any promises on that,” he says quietly. “Besides, _that’s_ not what I’m worried about.”

Poe laughs quietly, bites his lower lip and looks at Finn through lowered lids. 

“You don’t trust me?” 

He’s still teasing Finn. Finn can tell that by the smirk on his face. But there’s a quiet note of worry in Poe’s voice, and Finn can see Poe’s eyes darting around Finn’s face. 

“You know I do,” Finn says. “I don’t trust anything _else_ in the galaxy, though.”

Poe chuckles. Even in the darkened room, Finn can tell Poe’s face is going red.

“ _That_ makes sense. It’s smart,” Poe says. “But I’ll be back before you know it.”

Finn bites back on the doubtful words that want to slip out. _I’ll be back before you know it._ Finn will hold on to that. 

“You’ll be back quickly. And in one piece,” Finn orders. “Don’t go out there trying to be a _hero._ ”

Poe pouts at Finn.“But I thought I was _already_ a hero,” he whines. 

“You know what I mean,” Finn says with much more fondness than he intends. 

Poe sighs. “Yeah, I know. But I’ll be careful.”

Finn needs to hear Poe say that again. 

“You’ll be careful?”

Poe nods. “Yes. I’ll be careful.”

“Good. Now go to sleep. You need all the rest you can get.” 

Poe snorts and shuffles around in bed. 

“You’re really bossy tonight, _General._ ” 

“And you love it.”

The words jump out before Finn can really think about them. He kind of wants to snatch them back and stuff them back into whatever part of his brain they escaped from. 

But Poe just hums.

“Sure do.”

\---

Poe and Rose are gone before the sun fully rises. Finn’s chest hurts as he watches their ship disappear. 

\---

Finn hardly sleeps. 

He goes three days without sleep in the beginning, spending his nights reading through files on the First Order’s kidnapping sprees across the galaxy. Finn keeps reading even when his eyes are stinging and his back and shoulders are sore and stiff. He reads and tries not to think of the fact he hasn’t heard from Poe, or the fact that there really are First Order sympathizers still out there, or the fact that he could very well stumble across the story of his own kidnapping in these files. 

Jannah keeps asking him if he’s alright. Finn just shrugs. He’s not a good liar. 

\---

They finally get a transmission on the fifth day.

It’s short and full of static, but Poe and Rose are both in decent spirits. They haven’t run into much trouble, but they are learning just how dire the situation is. Cultures have been erased, entire families have been killed off, whole species have gone extinct. All because of the First Order. 

“Nothing will ever go back to ‘normal,’” Rose says that day. “We don’t even really know what ‘normal’ was before all of _this._ ” 

They don’t know. None of them know really, save for Lando and Chewy, and maybe C-P30 and R2D2. They lived in the time in between the Empire and the First Order and had to watch a peaceful world be destroyed all over again. And everyone else who helped save the world the first time—who helped usher in that peace to begin with—is dead. 

Everyone else was born in the era of the First Order and the Resistance: they were _born into_ _war._ It’s all they’ve ever known. 

Finn nods along to Rose’s words, but his eyes stay on Poe’s image. Finn can’t see anything obviously wrong with him; Poe looks tired, but okay. He scratches at his stubble as he talks, and he smiles at them like he’s up to no good.

“Finn, I just want you to know that I haven’t been heroic _at all,_ ” Poe says.

Rose snorts, and Rey scrunches her face up in confusion. Finn just shakes his head, trying to stop himself from laughing. 

Finn sleeps well that night. It’s surprising that he does, all things considered. But he sleeps well. 

\---

Poe looks more tired on the next transmission four days later.

His eyes look heavy, his shoulders sag and he keeps running a hand through his hair. Even his voice sounds more weary as he speaks. Poe lists more and more consequences of the First Order’s actions, and his words drip with exhaustion. 

“I think the planets in the Ash Worlds sector are the worst off right now,” Poe tells them. “But that’s nothing new . . .”

Finn and Rey nod along and take notes. Poe tells them they went to the residence of a suspected First Order agent only to find the place burned to the ground and the suspected agent buried in a shallow grave. Finn tries not to let the alarm he feels show on his face. 

“It’s been a _lot_ ,” Poe says, “but we’re still hanging in there.”

Rey asks the question Finn won’t let himself ask. 

“How much longer will you be out there?”

“Only a few days,” Poe says. “Barring a catastrophe, of course.”

Finn lets himself be visibly relieved. 

“Don’t jinx it,” Finn warns. 

Poe blinks at him. Then he chuckles, his chest and shoulders quaking. 

“Sorry,” he says with mirth. “My bad.” 

\---

Finn stays in his own room for 10 days before Rey pulls him into hers. 

They lie squished together in her bed. Finn’s cheek ends up pressed against her forehead, and Rey tangles her fingers with his and squeezes tight. 

Neither of them can sleep at all, and it’s becoming a problem. They’re both on edge all the time. Rey’s snappy and irritable, Finn’s gone stony and quiet. They can’t train, they can hardly work. 

They’re pathetic. 

But at least Rey has a _reason_ to be pathetic, Finn thinks. Rose is _actually_ Rey’s girlfriend, and she is miles and miles away, and Rey isn’t there to throw herself into danger for her. When Rose comes back, she and Rey will go back to building their life together, but Rey’s anxious and a little lonely in the meantime. It makes sense that Rey might fall apart a little bit. 

Finn doesn’t have a reason to be like this. Finn doesn’t have _that_ with Poe. Poe doesn’t belong to Finn; Finn doesn’t belong to Poe. All Finn has are feelings that he can’t express, feelings that might not even be reciprocated. Finn should at least pretend like he’s holding himself together. 

\---

“Did you kiss him before he left?”

Finn’s heavy eyes fly open at Rey’s question. It’s day 13 of Poe and Rose being gone, and night three of Finn sleeping in Rey’s room. Rey’s laying her chin on Finn’s chest and peering into his face with a sleepy expression. 

Finn props himself up and stares right back at her. 

“ _What?_ ”

Rey shrugs. “Did you kiss Poe before he left?” 

She asks the question far too casually, like it’s something they’ve been talking about this whole time. Finn blinks, and he feels blood rushing to his head. 

“ _No._ Jeez, Rey, I—”

“Have you told him yet?” Rey asks in a more gentle tone. “Does he know how you feel?”

Finn watches Rey for a tense moment. Then he sighs and flops down onto the bed.

“ _I_ don’t know how I feel.” 

Rey hums quietly. She turns her head so that her ear is pressed to Finn’s chest, laying right on top of his heart.

“ _That’s_ a lie,” she says conclusively. “And you know it.” 

Finn bites the inside of his cheek. He stares up at the ceiling as if staring will help him conjure up a rejection to Rey’s statement. Finn searches his mind for a retort, reaching back as far as he can to dredge something up.

Nothing comes. 

“Yeah, it is,” he admits, his voice so soft he can barely hear it himself. 

They lie there for a while. The quiet settles around them like dust settles on unused furniture: a light layer at first, but building heavier and heavier until it covers every inch.

Then, out of nowhere: “I think I’m in love with him.”

Rey doesn’t turn her head to look at him again. She barely reacts at all, really. Finn feels her make the tiniest of movements against his chest as she considers his declaration. 

“You think so?” she asks in that frustratingly casual tone again. 

“I mean—” Finn stammers. “I don’t know.”

Because _in love_ is too much. It’s too big a step, too big a jump for him and Poe, isn’t it? There’s too much certainty and confidence in those words. 

Rey hums again, a short sound.

“I think you are, too. Don’t be so scared about it.” 

\---

Finn knows Poe and Rose are coming home before they actually come home.

He feels _something_ when he’s meditating one day. The air around him thickens, something warm grows in his stomach, and he hears small whispers echoing in his mind. 

_Poe. Poe, Poe, Poe._

Finn opens his eyes and lowers himself back to the ground. He hears footfalls approaching him, and he turns to see Rey behind him with a bright look in her eye. 

“You felt that, too, then?” she asks. 

Finn smiles.

\---

Poe, Rose and their team land a few hours later. 

Everyone clamors around their ships like curious kids. By the time Finn and Rey are approaching them, Poe and Rose are having many different conversations with many different people. 

Finn lets himself watch Poe. Poe’s fatigue is evident; Finn can see it all over his face and the way he stands. But Poe grins so wide it makes Finn wonder if his face aches. Poe laughs and gesticulates, and Finn takes in the energy pouring off of him. Poe makes eye contact with Finn, and somehow, he grins even wider. 

Finn missed Poe. He _really_ missed Poe. 

\---

The debriefing is short. Most of the planets need the same thing: new or improved infrastructure and a more even distribution of resources. Everyone is just trying to pick the pieces of their lives up. 

Most of the First Order leads were duds, and the ones that weren’t duds were snuffed out by the time they arrived. Finn doesn’t know how to feel about that bit of news. 

As tired as he seems, Poe also looks restless through the meeting. His fingers drum against the table, and he bites on his lower lip. He’s ready to go back out there, Finn realizes. Poe’s got a sense of what needs to be done, and he’s ready to go back out there and _do it._ Poe’s tenacity is one of Finn’s favorite qualities. 

It’s also the one that worries Finn the most. 

\---

“ _So_ , did ya miss me?”

Finn snorts as he turns over in his bed and looks across the room to Poe. Poe smiles blearily at him. Finn tries to focus on Poe’s eyes and not on his exposed chest or on the way his blankets keep sliding down his stomach every time Poe moves around. 

It’s very late. Poe’s just got back from a 16-day trip, and he’s slurring his words a little. He should be sleeping. But here he is, smiling at Finn. 

“ _Yes_ , Poe,” Finn says, “I missed you. I missed you very much.” 

“ _Really_ ?” Poe presses. “Because that’s not what _I_ heard.”

Finn quirks an eyebrow at Poe. Talking to Poe right now kind of feels like talking to Poe when he’s drunk, and Finn has to take a second to remind himself that Poe might not mean or even remember whatever comes out of his mouth tonight. 

“What’d you hear?” 

Poe shrugs, and his blanket slips a little.

“I heard you and _Rey_ were sneaking around and having sleepovers.”

Finn can’t stop the laugh that escapes him. “Sneaking around” doesn’t even make sense to Finn, not where Rey is concerned. It’s never once occurred to him to care for her any less obviously than he does. It’s also never occurred to him that people would watch them so closely and _talk_ about it. 

“I mean, yeah, I _did_ stay in Rey’s room for a couple of nights, if that’s what you’re wondering.” 

Poe’s jaw twitches. 

“Jedi stuff?” 

Finn chuckles again and shakes his head. “No. Not a Jedi, remember?” 

Poe’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. His eyes look a lot more awake now.

“So, what? You two having an affair now?” 

Finn squints at Poe. There’s something sour in Poe’s tone, but Finn can’t put his finger on it. 

“You think I’d have an _affair_ with Rey and incur the wrath of Rose Tico?” Finn says, teasing Poe just a little. 

Poe shrugs. “Stranger things have happened.” 

Finn rolls his eyes. “I like being alive too much to do something like that.” 

It’s Poe’s turn to snort now, and the sound tears through the quiet of their room. 

“Good to know,” Poe mutters. 

There’s something in _those_ words, too. Finn wishes he was alert enough to figure it out. 

Poe props himself up on his elbow and gives Finn an evaluative look. 

“What _were_ you doing in there, then? If infidelity is off the table.”

Finn sighs and worries his bottom lip between his teeth. Briefly, he considers how pitiful the truth is and tries to figure out a good lie. But he thinks he and Poe are both too tired for anything other than the truth tonight.

“We couldn’t sleep,” Finn admits. “Neither of us. I think we were too worried about you guys.” 

Poe blinks and his lips part. His eyes gleam as they dart all over Finn’s face.

“Really?” 

Finn nods. “Yep. Really.”

Poe lays his head back down on his pillow. His eyes suddenly look heavy again, and he gives Finn a drowsy, but incredulous look.

“Oh.”

“You surprised by that?” Finn can hear nervousness in his own voice, hiding just beneath the fondness. 

Poe shakes his head and opens his mouth to speak. A loud yawn blurts out instead, and Poe’s eyes shut and nose crinkles. It’s so _cute_ , Finn thinks to himself.

“No, I guess not,” Poe finally manages. He doesn’t open his eyes, and his goes even more slack against his bed. “ ‘m glad to be home . . . see you . . ”

Finn watches Poe as he drifts off to sleep. He feels warm and jittery all over.

“I’m glad you’re home, too.”

\---

Finn feels a little odd with Poe around. 

He feels off balance, as if he’s walking with one of the heels of his boots broken off. Finn finds himself acting differently around Poe, too. He talks less, touches him less, acts like he’s already asleep when Poe comes into the room or stays up late. 

It’s not a conscious effort to pull away from Poe. Finn didn’t wake up one morning and decide to start avoiding him. It’s the _feeling_ he has in the pit of his stomach that makes him want to retreat.It’s the anxiety, and the dread, and the _fear._ Finn’s put a distance between him and Poe, and he’s done it without even intending to. 

Poe notices. He doesn’t say anything, but Finn can tell that Poe notices. Finn sees it in the way Poe watches Finn out of the corner of his eye, the way he hesitates for the quickest second before touching Finn’s arm, in the way his smile is just the slightest bit dimmer now. 

They still look like close friends. They’re still spending much of their lunches and dinners and so much other time together. People still greet them as “Finn and Poe,” as if they’re a package deal. The changes in Poe—the changes in _them_ —are so small that no one besides them even notices.

Well. _Almost_ no one. 

“This is getting a little ridiculous, Finn.” 

Finn glares at Rey from his spot on the ground. They’re meant to be “sparring,” except it turned into them smacking each other’s arms and legs with staffs until they both fell down. Rey sits cross-legged and peers down into Finn’s face with a stare that makes his face burn. 

“You could just _tell him_ , you know,” Rey says. “Get it over with.”

Finn throws an arm over his eyes. He _does_ know that; he’s told himself that. But still . . .

“I _can’t._ It’s not that simple.”

Rey scoffs and starts trying to pry Finn’s arm from his eyes.

“ _Yes_ , it is,” she says, stopping just short of growling. “It’s as simple as saying, ‘I love you, Poe Dameron’.” 

Finn squeezes his arm tighter. “I can _not_ say that!”

Rey gives up with a huff and swats Finn’s arm. 

“You _could._ If you weren’t being a big baby about it.” 

Finn peeks at Rey from under his arm. She stares right back at him, blinking with an expectant look on her face. Finn groans and lets his arm plop onto the ground. 

“Is that what _you_ said to Rose?” Finn demands. 

It’s a silly question he already knows the answer to. But it feels like the only way to get Rey off of his back. 

Rey smiles, her eyes going dreamy. 

“No, not really,” she says. “We just kinda kissed one day and went on from there. Why don’t you try _that_ with Poe?”

“You _really_ want me to kiss Poe, huh?” 

“If kissing will make you both happier, then _yes_ , I _really, really_ want you to kiss Poe!”

Finn barks out a laugh and turns his eyes towards the sky. 

“You know, you’re not considering the possibility that he doesn’t feel the same way,” Finn says. 

Rey rolls her eyes. “I’m not considering it because it’s not _possible._ Poe is very obviously in love with you, too.” 

Her words send a shiver down Finn’s spine. His heart starts beating so hard it feels like it’ll burst from his chest. 

“He’s not _obviously_ in love with me.” 

_“Yes_ , he is. And somehow, _you’re_ the only person it’s not obvious to.” 

Finn closes his eyes, squeezing them tightly. 

“I hope you’re not wrong,” he whispers.

He’s really only talking to himself. But Rey reaches over and takes his hand anyway. 

“I’m _not._ I know I’m not.” 

\---

Finn and Jannah work until late one day, reading tablets and writing notes until their eyes and hands ache. 

The sun has sunk low in the sky by the time either of them remember to take a break. Jannah stretches her arms high above her head, and they both grimace when they hear a soft _pop_ in her elbow. 

Finn drops his notes and pushes his tablet away. 

“Let’s take a walk.”

They end up walking in the moonlight, slowly dawdling away from the compounds and conference rooms. A few stragglers wave at them as they go. Finn feels odd walking with Jannah until he realizes they’re walking the same path he and Poe usually take on their more restless nights. Except, he and Jannah are walking it backwards. 

“You know, there’s something I was gonna run by you in the morning,” Jannah says, her quiet voice barely disturbing the night. 

Finn glances at her with raised eyebrows. “Yeah?” 

“I have a comrade, Misa,” Jannah continues. “We were stationed on a light cruiser together, at one point. She was telling me she was hearing rumblings about where some of the former Stormtroopers have landed. Nothing concrete yet, but she’s hearing things.”

“ _Oh._ ”

Finn had figured they would start hearing about former Stormtroopers; he’s been waiting on it, actually. There’s no way the people who’ve been on the frontlines of the First Order’s fights can simply disappear into the galaxy. 

Jannah nods and continues. “She’s working to gather as much information as she can. And, I was thinking . . . when we get that information, I could go and try to find some of these people.”

“Of course!” Finn says with no hesitation. “Yeah, we can get you anything you’ll need.”

“Well, for one, I’ll need _you_ ,” Jannah says with a small smile. “I think meeting you would _really_ help a lot of ex-Stormtroopers.”

The words slow Finn to a stop. 

“ _Really_? You do?”

Jannah snorts. “Don’t tell you’re _surprised._ You remember how I told you we knew of you before we ever met? We weren’t the only Stormtroopers who heard about you, Finn.”

“ . . . Oh.”

It’s just so strange for Finn to realize he exists in the minds of so many people, or that those people seem to see him so differently than he sees himself. Finn’s never been truly sure of his position in all of _this._

To be fair, he’s never had time to figure it out. 

“I mean,” Jannah says with a smirk, “who _wouldn’t_ want to meet the Stormtrooper, turned Resistance hero, turned Jedi?” 

Finn rolls his eyes, but he can still feel his facing starting to go hot. 

“I’m _not_ a Jedi,” he says. “And you’re giving me _way_ too much, right now.” 

“You _really_ don’t realize how people see you, huh?” Jannah asks with a laugh. She shrugs. “Well, at least I know the humility isn’t an act.” 

“I don’t ever _try_ to act like _anything_ ,” Finn says. “I’m just trying to stay alive and sane.” 

“I’m definitely with you on _that_ one,” Jannah says. “But, I maintain you’ve done incredible things, General. And you’ll continue to do incredible things. Even if you don’t think so.”

Finn feels his face go warm. The word _incredible_ gets under his skin: he feels embarrassed by it, somehow. What is it she sees—and, apparently, others see—about Finn that Finn hasn’t seen about himself? 

“Thank you,” Finn says with quiet awe. “That means a lot.”

Jannah knocks her arm against Finn’s, a warm smile on her face.

“Of course.”

\---

Poe looks up at Finn as soon as Finn walks through their door. 

“Hey!’ Poe, despite the tiredness in his eyes, gives Finn a bright smile. 

Finn just stands there for a moment, letting that smile wash over him. He feels so many things when Poe smiles; a kick in his heart rate, a heat throughout his face, a twist of his stomach, a gust of wind hitting him square in his chest. Poe’s smile is the force of every living thing rushing towards Finn, and it knocks Finn off of his feet every single time. 

“Hi,” Finn softly mutters, and he finally finds it in himself to walk to his own bed. 

Poe’s smile dims as he watches Finn move across the room. Finn sits down on his bed heavily and lets out a low groan. Poe frowns at the sound. 

“You okay over there?” Poe asks. 

“ _Yeah_ ,” Finn answers, bending down to remove his shoes. “Yeah, I’m good. Just tired, I think.” 

“Oh,” Poe says, the word so quiet that Finn almost misses it. 

The room goes quiet again as Finn silently removes his shoes, then his jacket. Poe’s turned his attention back to whatever he was reading when Finn walked in. Finn yanks his shirt over his head and tries not to focus Poe’s energy radiating from across the room. 

“Hey,” Poe says without looking up from his tablet, “did I see you walking with Jannah a little while ago? I thought I saw you guys on my way here . . .” 

Finn falters, blinking at Poe. Poe was _watching_ him and Jannah, then? He saw Finn walking with Jannah, and his eyes followed them? But that’s not unusual or out of character, right? Finn would do the same if he saw Poe with someone. But Finn would be doing it because his eyes _never_ leave Poe to begin with. He’s always looking at Poe. Does that mean Poe’s been looking at him the same way? 

Maybe Poe’s comment shouldn’t feel significant, but it _does._ It makes Finn fumble with his belt buckle as he continues changing clothes. 

“Um, yeah, yeah, Jannah and I were talking,” he says. “She was telling me a friend of hers heard talk of former Stormtroopers roaming about.” 

Poe looks over to him with a grave expression. 

“Anything urgent? Any trouble?”

Finn turns his back to Poe as he finishes undressing. He can feel Poe’s eyes on the center of his back, and he tries to suppress a shudder.

“Nah, not really. No solid info yet, just rumors.” 

Poe hums softly. 

“Still concerning, though,” Poe mutters. “We’re gonna have to keep a close eye on that. Might want to get ready to take a few trips.”

Finn huffs out a quiet laugh as he pulls on his sleeping pants. It’s amazing how fast Poe can fly into strategizing mode. 

“Actually,” Finn says, his back still to Poe, “she suggested that she and I make the trip. If we get anything, that is.”

Finn can feel the shift in Poe’s energy. He can feel Poe going tense behind him, and he can feel Poe’s gaze harden. 

“ _Just_ you and her?”

Finn turns back around to face Poe. Poe’s eyes are fixed on Finn’s face, and his grip on his tablet has tightened. 

“Me and her, and probably a small team,” Finn says as he sits down on his bed. “You know, like most of our missions are.”

Poe blinks at Finn. His jaw twitches. 

“Is that the best idea?” Poe asks. “I mean, you and Jannah going out there . . .” 

Finn frowns.

“ . . . Why wouldn’t it be?” Finn challenges. “It’d be just like your mission with Rose, wouldn’t it? What’s the difference?” 

Poe mouths his mouth, but doesn’t say anything, just staring at Finn for a moment. Then he chuckles softly.

“No, you’re right,” Poe says. “You’re right. I’m sorry, I’m just . . . being unreasonable.”

“Well, _that’s_ nothing new,” Finn teases. 

Poe laughs roughly and shakes his head.

“No kidding.”

Poe turns back to his tablet, but it’s to turn it off this time. Finn watches Poe go through the motions of getting ready for sleep; shutting his tablet down, yanking his shirt over his head, shucking off his pants and pulling on his sleep pants. Poe sighs, and his eyes flutter shut as he drags a hand through his hair. 

Finn watches Poe, and he thinks about that day, again, the day they’d been waiting _years_ for. He thinks about himself and Jannah, riding with a cavalry behind them, entirely convinced that it would likely be the last thing either of them did. There was Rey, miles and miles and miles away by then. And, somewhere flying far above him, was Poe. 

Finn remembers that he _felt_ Poe that day: he felt every emotion flowing through Poe, every moment of fear and triumph and shock and joy and love, love, _love._ Finn remembers he felt Poe’s emotions as clearly as he felt his own, to the point where he’s _still_ not able to tell them apart. When he hugged Poe after they’d landed, Finn held Poe tight to him and knew he’d never want to be without him. And that feeling has only grown stronger and stronger since. 

Finn watches Poe and suddenly becomes aware that he’s _staring_. They’re both sitting on their beds, shirtless and on the edge of sleep, and he’s staring. 

Poe opens his eyes slowly and gives Finn another sleepy smile. Finn feels his heart stop. 

“Whatca thinkin about, Finn?” 

Finn lets himself stare, now. At Poe’s eyes, at his mouth, at the small, dark curls on his chest. 

“ . . . You.” 

Poe goes still and looks at Finn with a stunned smile. 

“ _Me?_ ”

Poe asks the question as if he thinks Finn will laugh at him. 

Finn’s heart starts again. It’s beating wildly in his chest. 

“Yeah. You.”

“Thinking _what_ about me?” Poe’s voice has gone quiet. He tries to smile again, but he looks petrified. 

Finn hesitates, but only for a fraction of a second. He’s here now. There’s no use in trying to turn back. 

Finn smiles, close-mouthed but entirely genuine. 

“I’m thinking about how I feel about you. And . . . I’m wondering how you feel about _me._ ”

“How . . .” Poe’s eyes widen. “ . . . how I . . .” 

It’s an accomplishment, Finn thinks, to have rendered the smart-mouthed hotshot Poe Dameron blushing and speechless for a moment.

“I . . . don’t even think I could tell you,” Poe says so quietly it may as well be a whisper.

Finn grips the blankets on his bed and finds himself leaning forward.

“You can tell me _anything_. I swear.” 

Poe laughs, a short sound that borders on hysterical. He blinks and looks at the floor, then the wall, then the ceiling. Everywhere but Finn’s face now. 

“Poe?” Finn says in a quiet, firm voice. “Poe, look at me, please.” 

Poe brings his eyes back to Finn. But now, they roam all over Finn; Finn’s eyes, his lips, his bare shoulders, his bare chest. Finn shivers under Poe’s gaze. 

“What do you _think_ of me, Poe?” 

Finn can feel the way Poe’s breathing slows, the way all of Poe’s energy suddenly settles and shifts towards Finn. He can see the tiniest spark of light in Poe’s eyes. 

“I think you’re beautiful.” 

Poe’s whispering, but the words reverberate in Finn’s ears.

“I think . . .” Poe continues, just as quietly, “I think you’re incredible. I think you’re unlike anyone I’ve ever met in my life. And I can barely describe the way you’ve _changed_ my life, and . . .” 

“ . . . and what?” Finn’s gentle with the question. He wants Poe to come to him with no fear.

Poe laughs shakily. “And it’s honestly a little overwhelming to think about you, sometimes. The way I feel . . . It’s almost . . . almost too much.”

Finn can hardly breathe. He feels dizzy, like the ground beneath his feet just shifted. Like the world turned upside down.

“You gonna say something, buddy?” Poe asks, still looking more than a little terrified. “Because I know I just said something kinda _intense_ , and I need to know if that’s okay or—”

Finn reaches his hand out to Poe.

“Come here.”

Poe seems to stand up before he realizes it. He crosses the room in two steps, only to stop right when he’s standing in front of Finn. Finn watches the skeptical look in Poe’s eyes and has to bite back a laugh.

“You know this isn’t _entirely_ reassuring,” Poe mutters. “I’m kinda feeling like I’m gonna have a heart attack here.”

Finn rolls his eyes and smiles. He couldn’t love this man more.

Finn takes Poe’s hand and gently tugs him closer. Poe ends up standing between Finn’s legs, looking down at him with a dazed look.

“Poe Dameron,” Finn says, “I’m in love with you. I think I have been for a really long time. I want to be with you. And I’d really, _really_ like to kiss you.” 

Poe blinks. His lips part.

 _“Oh._ Oh, okay!”

And then his lips are on Finn’s. 

They kiss hard: fast, deep, wet, tipping over to the rough side a little. Poe’s hands are on Finn’s shoulders, then the side of his neck, then the side of his face. Finn’s hands are finding Poe’s waist, the small of his back, moving up his back just to move back down again. Finn’s usually a tiny bit taller than Poe, but Poe has the height advantage now, and he uses it to kiss Finn even deeper and to push up on Finn as much as possible. 

Finn’s burning up. He feels tight but loose, and he’s on fire, but he’s shivering. He just wants Poe _closer._ He wants _more._

Poe pulls away, his hands falling back to Finn’s shoulders, leaving the smallest space between them.

“Are we _just_ kissing?” Poe asks breathlessly. “Because I’m very okay with it if we are . . .”

Well, damn. Poe must be reading Finn’s mind.

“ _But_ . . .” Finn drags a couple of fingers across Poe’s waistband, stopping at the front. “More is an option?” 

Finn delicately brings his fingers down the front of Poe’s pants, ghosting over Poe’s crotch. Poe tenses, and when Finn looks up, he sees Poe’s biting down on his bottom lip.

“Yep, more’s _definitely_ an option,” Poe says in a rasp. 

Finn hums and presses a kiss to Poe’s navel. Finn doesn’t have _much_ experience—he couldn’t, not with the First Order being so restrictive about sex and love. But he’s been with enough men and women to get a sense of what feels good. 

Which is why he leans away just long enough to reach around Poe and grab the body oil he likes to use. 

Poe pouts at the brief loss of contact, and Finn laughs at the childish expression. Poe’s whole face changes when Finn opens the cap and squeezes a few drops into his hand. 

“If we’re gonna do _more_ ,” Finn says, “my hand shouldn’t be dry when I get you off, right?” 

Finn carefully pulls Poe’s pants and underwear down. Poe whines as Finn takes him into his hand, and Finn’s never heard anything more satisfying. 

“ _Right_.”

And Finn moves his hand slowly, then faster, faster, faster until Poe’s digging his fingers into his shoulders and hissing his name. 

\---

When Finn was in the First Order, he was forced to learn the importance of restraint. 

The First Order drilled physical and mental rigidity into them, demanding they hold their bodies a certain way at all times. Finn was always tense, pulled tight, standing too upright for his own good. Finn eventually learned to let go of that rigidity. He cast “restraint” aside when he realized it wasn’t necessary anymore. He learned to move with a sense of abandon. A sense of freedom.

But Finn _needs_ restraint tonight, because he’s sprawled out his bed, and Poe’s got more of Finn’s dick in his mouth than should be physically possible. 

Finn holds himself still as possible as Poe moves his hand up and down the part of Finn’s dick he couldn’t fit into his mouth. Poe sucks him off slow and moans around his mouth, and Finn has to press his own fingers into his stomach to remind himself to be still. He doesn’t want to choke Poe. 

At least, not unless Poe asks him to. 

Poe pulls off of Finn’s dick to latch onto his balls. He laps and sucks at them gently, and Finn lets out a moan he’s only faintly embarrassed by. 

“ _Fuck_ , Poe.” Finn bites the inside of his cheek, digs his fingers into his stomach a little harder. 

Poe hums and looks up at Finn with a grin. 

“I wanna do that, too. Want you inside of me. If you want.” 

Finn _wants._

\---

They do _that_ a couple of nights later, after they’ve both done their duties for the day and escaped their friends. 

Poe has to bite down on a pillow to muffle his moans when Finn opens him up. He has to bite down even harder when Finn actually starts to fuck him. 

The pillow doesn’t do much: Finn still hears every gasp and moan Poe makes, and the sounds drive him up the wall in the best way possible. Finn lays down so that his chest is pressed against Poe’s back, and the heat of Poe’s skin against his is the best feeling in the galaxy.

Poe releases the pillow just long enough to gasp, “ _Harder_.”

Finn laughs and kisses Poe on the shoulder. Then, he obliges. 

\---

Rey stares at Finn when he shows up training the next morning. She narrows her eyes and leans close to him. Then her face splits into a huge grin.

“You’re _nasty!_ ”

And they laugh until they’re both gasping for air. 

\---

Finn sits up in his bed, reading his tablet and writing notes until his fingers ache. 

They still have a million and one things to do. The galaxy’s still in disarray. There are still people missing in action. The remnants of the First Order—the devastation it left behind—can still be felt in the air. Finn still thinks of all of this and feels overwhelmed. 

But then Poe stumbles into their room, tired but happy, and crashes into Finn’s bed. He wraps his arms around Finn and kisses him.

And, in that moment, Finn knows they’ll be okay. They’ll always be okay. 

Finn puts his work away and snuggles close to Poe. His eyes fall shut as he slips into sleep. 


End file.
